Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Like the springs on a well-used bed there’s lots of up and down bounce coming in your life over the next few weeks. Normally this would bother you given your appreciation for laser directed activity but you’re going to find that this all over the place energy turns you into a dynamo of passionate activity. (I hope your partners have buckets of goo on hand.) An added advantage to your hyped up self is that it’s easier for you to ignore minor irritations. Who’s got time for them… I mean those kinds of things? Moving on.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You are truly a list machine and there’s nothing like putting your feet up at the end of the day with your little stubby pencil and ticking things off – did it, done, done with it. When you’re really in the zone with this you’re an unstoppable force delayed only by other people getting in your way. Why can’t they just leave you to your own methods and trust that you’ve got it? Why the opinions, the questions, the suggestions? Here’s my suggestion: cold as it may be, treat them like an item on your list. Fill them, do them, and tick them off as done. If nothing else it’ll stop them talking for a while.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
The make things better bug bites that beautiful butt of yours this month and you’re determined to fix everything in one go – places, people, and problems. The trouble is that you have to do more than identify an issue and provide a solution that others can implement; you have to also put in an effort yourself. Otherwise you’re just dictating, which my Gemini friends, is far different than delegating the job. Think: Blow me (dictating) or, because I can’t blow myself I’d like you to do it for me (delegatingJ. Be kind to your frustrations this month or your frustrations will grow more frustrating.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Things are not quite as settled as you’d like them to be this month Cancer and even though you can handle personal change, or changeability in others, this amount reaches your limits for handling with ease. No need to seek cover in your shell though as this pushing and pulling of power won’t last forever and you will prevail. Pick your scrimmages with care – no toothpaste, toilet seat, or side of the bed scrapping. This is not a warning that bigger things are coming, just a suggestion that bigger issues tend to arrive under cover of little distracting irritations. Didn’t see that coming? – yes you did, you just chose not to pay it the mind it called for.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You are that impressed with yourself right now and your ability to be everywhere and everything to everyone that you just keep loading up your plate until it’s piled high with things that need to be done at the same time. And yes, given the opportunity, you will double book your ass to tap those other asses (at the same time) like you’re some kind of sex super hero (or heroine). It’s a month for pushing limits, you want to do it, and experience with you lot tells me that even if I tell you not to, you will do it anyway.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Step out of the shadows Virgo and take a bow. Accept with grace all the accolades, adoration, and affection that comes your way. Everyone deserves his or her moment of glory and appreciation and this month this time is yours. Admit it. Even though you tirelessly care for others, you do like the occasional pat on the back and the recognition that you are the best at what you do. Being told you are the best ever in bed only fuels the fires of being even better – wait do they know that about you? Maybe, but right now, they’re counting their sexual blessings to have found you.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Please continue to ignore that little voice that keeps telling you it’s your job to make everything nice for everyone else. Wait, belay that order. Don’t ignore it at all, listen to it, and while you do this use it instead to remind you of exactly what you don’t want to do, which is to slide backwards into that very “I got you at the expense of myself” state you’ve struggled so hard to get out of. Slide if you want but let it only be on the slick essence of current lovers. Be strong Libra. Be confident and believe that you’ve got you.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Your elevated sense of responsibility (real or imagined) is beginning to feel like a burden you doubt you can carry much longer. Be that as it may, you are less likely to admit defeat or ask for help than you are to chew through the ties that bind you to this situation. Oddly, these feelings of oppression and duty infuse you with simmering anger and sexual need. Taken together you are a powerhouse of erotic aggression and inventiveness. Lovers won’t know whether to run away or fall at your feet, which is kind of the way you prefer them anyway. Still, you’d be best advised to give yourself a break.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
The world is full of possibilities for you right now Sag, and the only way to keep track of them and decide which route(s) to take is to sit down and work all the parameters out. Don’t go for the short-term satisfaction; that would be looks, or a big dick, or whatever your particular fixation is at the moment. Look more for sustainability of a relationship, look for common interests, common goals… and yes, common fetishes. Look for a central core of connection and go forward from there and past the end of your own nose, which I’m sure is buried, as per usual, between someone’s warm and musty thighs. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
As with Sagittarius above, you to should spread your little Goat wings and look further than your immediate horizon. Look for opportunities or people even, that speak to you. Think of where you want to be and whom you want to be there with. Think of what you want to do with the rest of your life (yes, it’s time for that thinkfest). As you do this you’ll know you’ve hit on it when the thought/image is accompanied by a twinge of excitement and desire just right there in your gut. Develop an emotional and spiritual hard on and lust after your future as you would a lover. Do this and the future shall be yours.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
One minute you couldn’t give a fuck, the next you’re tearing your hair out with anxious anticipation and need – this is irritating for you, and for others, who can’t tell if you do or don’t want them as lovers. This back and forth is actually a little bit normal for you but it’s time Aquarius, to stop piddling around with the little shit and attempt to piece the bits into a bigger vision. Better yet, admit to yourself that you do want stability, and control, and maybe even some tiny bit of consistency. Weird. Probably just a passing phase.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
It’s always easy for you to connect with others but this is usually on a more emotional and a resulting physical (you filthy thing) level than a psychic one. This month however your intuition is hyper sharp and the resulting emotional drain is exhausting. What if you knew exactly how much a hoped for conquest liked you and what they wanted from you before you tried it on with them? Would it stop you or would you feel like crap (because you are emotional) when they reacted as badly on your leaving them, as you already knew they would. This month take extra care with those you play with and how you play with them.