Aries (March 21 – April 19) Time out! Come up from down there and take a breath of air not fragrant (for once) with the enticing aroma of come, sweat, and satisfaction. Not forever of course, just till you enjoy some pleasurable payback. Being as strong as you are and as in charge as you are takes a toll and in order to fuel their fantasies you must refuel yourself. This is theory that expands to all of things in your life right now so as the New Year begins take a moment to rethink goals and directions in order to get the best results for you. Once this is done you may re-apply your tongue.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You are a creature of habit — and a stubborn one at that. You like order, you like routine, and you like it even more when people just do what you expect them to do. Haven’t they always done this in the past? You are, at this point in time, tired of adjusting your way to accommodate their ways. Let it go, and let them have it the way they want it … you can put the cushions back where they belong after. Don’t be too uptight though as change on a much grander scale is heading your way. (This may involve actual “head.”) Your inner fight is to be responsible when you know you should and to let loose when you know you can. Why fight it? Like the ties you bind your lovers with, tightening them does not always make it better. The wonder is in the “play” of the actual knots you fasten.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You’ve been on a roll of inner discovery these last few years and things are coming to a head. This frightens you somewhat because you’re not sure if indulging in new activities (how could you not know you liked these dirty sexy things?) will cause you to lose the carefully constructed veil of control you present to all you meet. Not to worry, lovers trust you to not go beyond their boundaries even as you explore boundaries of your own. Careful though, you wouldn’t (shouldn’t) eat the whole pie in one sitting and as such you shouldn’t go from 0-100 in your Introduction to Domination 101 class. Ease into it, explore your dark side and celebrate it for the fantastic discovery that it is. Who knew? Certainly not you—and that alone is worth it. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. I’m excited just thinking about it.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) My sweet Cancer Crab … does January make you … crabby? It just seems that everyone else has an opinion on what you should do, who you should do it with and when you should do it—enough already. Well, here’s some advice and to some it may not be welcome. While they’re planning your life, do that sideways step you do and start doing your own thing. The planners won’t notice right away, busy as they are constructing your life for you. Freedom is addictive and it’s time for you to get some. Not suggesting you need to leave established relationships, but am suggesting that you do have the right to get some the way that you want it. Expect resistance at first, but make up sex can be very hot.
Leo (July 23 – August 22) It’s time to do a reality check regarding those things that you yourself have put on a priority list. This can also be simply stated that you need to get your head out of your own ass and check the direction of your most intimate relationships. Now that it’s out of there, empty it completely of preconceived notions and ideas of what should be. Next step—fill your empty head with good things. The things that used to make your heart sing, your soul beat with happiness, your dick hard and or your pussy wet. Remember that? You might think I’m being a little harsh but not so, what I do urge you to do is strip naked and get back to the basics that really work for you: indulgent adoration and wild Lion sex. Go forth and fuck with abandon.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You really really want to get out there and take care of … everything you can find that needs taking care of. Unfortunately, the time is not quite right or more accurately your relationship world is not quite ready for your style of “taking care of things.” Oh, they still love the bones of you but they’re all wrapped up in making their own New Year’s resolutions work, if you step in now they will believe they’ve failed. Be attentive, be patient, fine tune your strategies, then swoop in and pick up the pieces as they fall and put everything back together in the way that only you can. Love is fantastic when you don’t see it coming. They won’t, and you will be even more appreciated than you can imagine. Ease their personal emotional bruises with your soothing tongue … that’s better isn’t it. An orgasm is in fact a cure for most anything that ails you.
Libra (September 23 – October 22) Can you feel it coming? The changes and new beginnings you’ve been hoping and waiting for are actually on the way. Yikes! Are you ready? Did you finish all your old business as the year came to a close? Thing is, new relationships are exciting but in order to be successful you really must leave old relationships behind. They must be over. No matter how freaking hot it is, the first time you’re banging a new lover, when the last one phones or texts you in the middle of things … ah, we’re done here as that hot middle of things becomes the end. So yes, good stuff is coming, but clean up your old stuff right away or that old stuff might as well be right there in the bed with you and your new stuff. Word: There is not ever going to be enough room in one bed for all your stuff.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Sometimes you can be caught out talking to yourself but one steely look from you puts them in their place and gives them a silent message that if you want a response you’ll let them know. This month keep your own counsel—do not spread your business about town. (There’s enough wankers out there that’ll do it for you given half the chance.) This is not about keeping secrets as much as it is about securing your own safe place. Sometimes you feel like blurting out what you really get up to behind closed doors but you must fight the urge to come clean. It may seem that you’ve lost some control in key areas and this unnerves you, but small adjustments to tactics will get you back to your comfort zone. True, for you this is either in/under/behind someone … but so what? If it makes you happy then it’s alright with me and every single one of your lovers.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Despite what you’re currently thinking, the beginning of this year for you starts out no different than the rest. You do this thing (more often than not) where you discount your previous year’s achievements and focus on what isn’t with you yet. A classic trees for the forest kind of thing—in this respect you need to get over yourself. No matter the aura you project you’re no seasonal Scrooge—you’re just a responsible pessimist. Actually you should be commended and rewarded warmly with a tongue or a well placed finger or two or three. Seriously, the house note is paid, there’s food in the fridge and gas in the car—and there were new personal toys under the tree. Good thing you’re paying attention to the details of life.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) You are in your absolute element right now. You have the power to be happy, and to provide happiness and security to others. Being the protector and supporter suits you to a tee. But wait, what’s that feeling in the pit of your stomach? Is it anticipation or dread? You know when you’re heading out the door and you have a feeling that you’re going to run across someone who is going to be the next big thing in your relationship life. You have no clue who, or where, or when in the day you’ll meet, but you know that it’s going to happen. It’s a little like life’s foreplay—the buildup is as good as the act itself. Dive in, roll around in it, and this month take every pleasure where you can.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) This is always a trying time of year for you. You’ve never been a rules and regulations kind of person; authority irks you and restrictions just bug the bejezus out of you. Instead of fighting it, work with it. Use limits as the opportunities they are—personal challenges that test your ability to get what you want out of who you want. Everyone can appreciate an encounter that is as easy as running up against someone who wants it just like you want it—now—then catch you later. But, what about that one over there who’s desires and needs and private parts are laced up tighter than their boots. Now there’s an opportunity. Listen, look, and then point yourself towards restricted territory. I dare you.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Who on this green earth (or blue sea) would want to disagree with agreeable you? Right about now it might seem like everyone you’re involved with only wants to get involved in a verbal matchup with you. Where has the love gone? You find this supremely irritating; more so because you can’t see that you deserve this treatment. You may be right but just because you know this doesn’t mean they’re going to stop riding your ass the not good way. Realize that it’s their problem and not yours and let it all go the way of the tide—out. In the meantime do your own thing, either by yourself or with others. Remember also that when the tide goes out, there are many treasures left exposed on the beach which you can now explore, examine, and play with, in your own sweet wet time. That sand does get in everywhere doesn’t it? Also, supremely irritating.