Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You’re still tripping over your own sexy underpants strewn as they are over the landscape of your love life. Seriously, pick that stuff up. More annoying is that just when you’re getting ready to call it quits on something or someone they turn up and rock your little world. That one last time for last time’s sake turns into a very hot, very hold up a minute this is freaking good session. What were you thinking? This makes you happy (you came like gangbusters) and pissed off (someone other than yourself was/is in control). Truth is though that when you feel good you can’t be stopped so take all that you can from all that you can (we’ll call this refilling your tanks with premium gas) and hit the road running towards … a goal or something. Coming six times in a row is absolutely a goal.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
With the return to forward motion of Mars on the 13th you feel like busting out of any restraints holding you down. Hey, not the ropes and cuffs, that’s fetish play, relax. You don’t want to run away from things, you, in your stubborn excited focused way, want to share your enthusiasm, and spread the excitement you feel about life right now. Finally, the goods are rolling your way. Wait, why is this exactly? Why should you feel so good? What’s going to happen? See, how niggling doubts start to work their way back in. Not the forceful no lube working in, but the well-greased wide open welcome of a familiar experience. Self doubt will dress up like an old friend and fill you up before you know it. Don’t open the door, don’t hand it the slippery stuff and don’t bend over. Just do your own thing … and wear a well-fucked smile.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Last month you were bitching and moaning that you had nothing new to do. You sure didn’t like the old stuff. You planted seeds and set a few things up and now you’re pissing and groaning that everything needs doing now. This is so much like you … its just ridiculous. Pick something and concentrate. Stop juggling people, stop juggling people’s emotions—now there’s a good place to start. (Admit it.) Make a list and start working your way through it. First, pick a day and time; now pick a place, and choose a method. You cannot physically whack their ass, choke them out a little, pull their hair, bury something in them and make soft sweet love all at the same time. You can however move through a progression of pressures and experiences to your mutual satisfaction, exhaustion, and pleasure. You’ve got time—April does have thirty dirty days.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Watch out, Cancer is getting ready to bust a move. You love this time of year because as you run up to your Birthday month something stirs deep within you. You become more adventurous and the notion of “risk” becomes less scary. Your version of risqué behavior might not even start someone else’s engine but it’s what makes you the loveable you that you are. Should you just drag someone’s butt home from a social event, or work, or the grocery store and have your way … probably not, but you can come out of your shell and live a little. Don’t be pushed into activities that you know you’ll regret but do take them under consideration. Go ahead and tell them you’d love a three-way with their bestie while you’re getting busy with them … doesn’t mean you really intend on doing it—let the fantasy feed the fire in your mind.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Telling you that you should let it all hang out, go for it, just please yourself, experience things, events, people, as they appear on your horizon or in your bed is great news isn’t it? But can you do it? I say probably not, but possibly yes if you let go of that one thing that always holds you back—self-consciousness. Yes, you who loves to be noticed but is very vulnerable when it comes to what others think. Your task this month, if you choose to accept it is to be loyal to yourself first—not for this hour or day or week—for the whole dang month. What if you could make love over the hood of a stranger’s car? And from the windows above your perfect ass could be seen being banged into next Sunday? And when done you zipped zippers and walked hand in hand down the street? What then? Being arrested for a public lewd behavior would be bad (even for an exhibitionist such as yourself), but leaving the skyward audience wondering if they’d just seen what they’d seen would be awesome, but only if you don’t self-critique the size of your backside in the process. Be good to yourself.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Do you need a release my little Earth Mothers? (Or Earth Fathers) You have been idling and revving your inner workings for some time now and with the move of Mars to forward motion (April 13) it’s time to get ready to shift to top gear. Good thing is that the delays you’ve experienced actually work for you. If you’d jumped into bed with them, you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to explore the moist dark crevices that tempt your tongue now. Love when that happens—a well-timed licking. Don’t be sidetracked by additional offers. The grass is always greener over there because you’re not standing on it and casting a big fricking shadow like you are where you are now. Doesn’t mean it’s better, just that it’s getting more sun so it looks better.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
It’s time to expect as much from yourself as you do from others. Crazy notion isn’t it? You expect loyalty, you expect adoration, you expect the freedom to do who and what you want whenever you want to. You expect others to be balanced, caring, and generous of spirit and heart. Is this even possible for you to do? Actually my little Zodiac diplomat, it is. If you start with yourself and give, then what comes back to you will be better than even you can imagine right now. More sex, more love, more freedom than one person needs to survive. Crazy notion isn’t it? That to get more, you should give more—only you can stop that theory from entering your life. Depend on yourself first, and the rest will follow. Hopefully in a package with a smoking hot supple ass, fingers that fear no opening, and a tongue that ignites with every lick. The balls are in your court and the play begins when you do.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You’ve been tired of late, overworked, stressed to the max and just a little itsy bit off your game. When you feel like this, the direction you need to proceed in becomes lost and your frustration mounts. Frustration for you can be solved by two things: hard sweaty sex and … okay one thing. If you’re going to verbally let the angst out and rip someone a new one try to find a target that can take it. The double edged sword here is the fact that your occasional trips into the land of unbelievable weird sex … just keeps them coming back for more. Note: Because you resort to numb when stressed you might push beyond even your normal far-reaching limits. So, yes, that will freaking hurt tomorrow when you’re not actually having an orgasm to dull the pain. Go easy on yourself this month. The burdens you carry may be self inflicted.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You buck against the blindfolds, gags, and ropes that you imagine are holding you back. You believe that this feeling of being restrained is caused by someone else’s uncertainties, issues, and insecurities. Just sit tight in your cuffs and clamps for a few more days and wait for the energetic push from Mars that’s coming your way. Then just throw away the GPS and go wherever your heart takes you. If it’s right towards that hard dick over there or that cozy warm pussy then knock everyone out of your way to get there. Good things come to those that wait, but those that get there first … get exactly what they want.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorn you devil you—who knew you could take charge of the situation with such authority? Oh that’s right, you did, and you were just biding your time till the time was right. It doesn’t matter who wears the physical pants in the relationship, you’re adjusting your hypothetical nuts (unless you have physical nuts, then get them situated) and laying down the law … and a few other things. All this give and take theory is fine unless it muddies itself to the point that no one gets what they want or need from the relationship. The tough one outside the house might want to be the sissy inside the house. Figure this out this month and you’ve got it made.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
This is a pushy aggressive month for you. And let’s just call it as it is shall we? You want what you want the way you want it and when you want it and you’re not likely to take no for an answer or entertain much excuse making. Dinner was at 8 and on you—probably literally—as fond as you are of having things tongued, lapped and licked off your most sensitive parts. This whole in your face aura about you this month is going to unnerve those closest to you as they’re more used to your easy going love the one you’re with ways. Too bad for them. Don’t overdo the drill sergeant persona but do enjoy holding the reins and tightening the bit just a little bit and make it up to them with hugs kisses and caresses in a few weeks time.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Oh dear, not again. You don’t feel appreciated or valued right now. Take a moment to get things clear in your own head so you can determine whether it really is them or just your own doubts darkening your mood. Jonah Lehrer’s Imagine suggests that when you clear or quiet your active mind then that part of your brain that brings you ideas and solutions can be accessed — or rather those things come to you. Where are you when you are most at peace? Between a lover’s thighs? Relaxing into an after orgasm warmth? Dozing and daydreaming of dirty scenes past, present or future? The answers you seek do live within you and they are solvable. Are you not happiest when making others happy? Does their coming not enhance yours? …Um. Heads up and out of the water my little fishy. That’s one of the answers you seek.