Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You want to get out there and get busy—meeting and greeting and extending yourself all over the place. Your place, their place—if something’s going to happen you want it to happen to you, with you, in you, behind you, under you … the position combos are without limit. Oh, you’ll run up against a little opposition here and there and you will be supremely pissed at anyone who tries to stop you doing your thang. If there’s a way to include them please do so, they’re really just feeling a little left out. If you can’t fit them into the play and you’re determined to catch a little side action then do be tactful and discreet. This is also known as not shopping your business all over town. Wouldn’t you want the same consideration?
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
So fickle this month! The proverbial bloom is off the rose but this doesn’t have to be. You need variation to remain stimulated and involved but instead of locking onto boredom and placing blame on others for their imagined lack of … well, imagination … take your own self by the horns and keep that shit going. Elevate your game and encourage them to do the same. Work from the new base of experience that you now share. In fact, screw the safe word stopping things and embrace the next level of activity. Build the relationship that you want from the ground up … add a generous layer of lubrication and enjoy. Yes, my little Bull & Bullettes, you can have exactly what you want the way that you want it.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Good thing there’s two of you ‘cause the pace is starting to pick up. The Sun and Venus are in your sign bringing much attention your way. The hardest thing for you this month, oh friendly flirty one, is to strike out in a new direction as you seek life’s finest but at the same time avoid contact with old acquaintances—AKA—those whose field’s you have previously plowed, tilled, turned over … etc. (Also not easy ‘cause there’s plenty old acquaintances to avoid.) You rarely need to be encouraged to interact with someone new so don’t hold back now, I’m sure there’s someone out there you haven’t had before and who knows, they might just be the one. For those Gemini in relationships right now and willing to stay you should fertilize the fields you’re already in.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Examining your own nooks and crannies does not mean plumbing your own depths with rubberized apparatuses or battery operated thingamabobs. It means, and you won’t like this bit, searching your own soul to see what really turns you on. What will you find there? If you look you’ll find the release you’ve been looking for. How freeing it will be to discover that there is no deep dark debauched reason why you want your toes licked, why you want your ass whipped, or your hands tied, or your nipples twisted … you just do. Whether administering or receiving it … you just do. It works. Surprise! Hey, don’t crack the shell or anything but do relax into yourself and satisfy your own needs.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
All that hard work you do keeping the bedroom fires burning will be rewarded. Finally it’s your turn to be given the attention that you are due and desire as much as you desire those you lavish attention on. You wonder at times why they don’t get that a plain old thank you is all you need to keep on giving, to keep on dropping to your knees and worshiping them with the open offering of your body for their satisfaction. It is so simple is it not? But we’re not going to get lost in how long it took them to figure it out, we’ll just rejoice in the fact that they finally did. Prepare to be adored and appreciated.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You feel restless and unsatisfied. Everywhere you turn the grass seems greener, the beds softer, and the dicks harder (if you’re so inclined). What you seek is closer than you imagine because what you’re looking forward is really inside you—and I mean that spiritually not physically (for once). What you seek isn’t someone new (to do). It’s time to set fear aside and engage the new you that’s just busting to be let out. This month’s theme for you is YOU! Do whatever it takes, come first and second, choose the place, the time, the position. Pamper your own ass for once.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Venus suggests that you put down instead of throwing down this month. No more fighting—even if the make-up sex after is spectacular. Consider how much more fun you would have had if you’d spent even less time arguing with that mouth of yours. Exactly. Now the work begins building a situation or life that you can be truly happy with. You can do this without giving up a thing, because when you learn (as you have) the degree that others will bend without snapping then you retain the subtle control and balance that you seek so fervently. Oh, the world will submit with the right dominant guidance, you just need to use your power for good and be grateful for the interaction.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Oh, goodness, this is the type of month that a true Scorpio waits for; A month where strategic skills can be played like the graceful arc of a well-swung cane. Very few understand that being softer is more than a tongue tip stroke of pressure on a sensitive fold, it is also the art of the finessed approach to getting exactly what one wants. You will have many opportunities to strategize this month Scorpio and enjoy it you will. Best news of course for those you focus on is that they are going to have the time of their life as they experience the intense physical and emotional play that you bring to the bed. Best news for you is that even when you bring them to the brink of exhaustion on all levels they’ll think it was their idea and that you’re the only one (and of course you are) who can take them there. Awesome.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
For once (or twice, or more if you’re able) it’s time to let playing it safe go. This doesn’t of course mean forget the whole notion of “safe sex” but it does mean you should be looking for and welcome the entertainment value of what appears before you. Let yourself be enchanted by their twinkling eye; be distracted by their lustful chatter; captured by their willingness to throw themselves at your feet. Let them worship you. And even if it’s just a brief adventure, say goodbye to dull details and day to day dreariness and let life make love to you. Enjoy. Venus applauds you.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You, more than many other signs, get the relationship between working hard and achieving goals: to get what you want you have to give of yourself. Something right now is steering you in a direction not quite foreign but not quite the norm either. The realization that to attain certain goals you should use spiritual and emotional tools as well as practical is becoming much stronger. Confused? Don’t be. Let’s sex this out. You either want something in you (that big dick) our want to put something (your big dick) somewhere. (That’s the goal) Instead of just lubing up (practical) you croon, caress, speak to your partner’s needs, (emotional), talk of elevated cerebral union, and tell them they lift you to the heavens, (spiritual). Is it this simple? Probably not. Should you take the feeling to do more, be a better partner or be a deeper someone seriously? Yes.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
You are known for your imaginative positions and fantasy situations but these are more often stalled in verbalization and don’t reach actualization. (You don’t always walk the talk.) However, the influence of Venus this month increases your endurance and creative fire: the possibilities are endless. No more pretending you will when you won’t or you won’t when you really will and as much as this takes lovers by surprise they will be as intrigued and excited as you are. Anyone that was sitting on the edge of the bed not quite sure about you will have their little socks blown off—quite literally. This month, instead of talking about how much you could, or you can, or you will rock … you really do.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Your generosity surges this month with graceful Venus greasing your give till everyone feels good gears. But hold up money bags, don’t clean out the account for the sake of brief satisfaction. You can let them buy their own you know. An additional word of caution is that this need to give all also affects your emotional bank and you are urged to take care of yourself if not first, then at least, in addition to soothing everyone else. Lovers love that you know exactly what they need, how they need it, and when they need it and can become complacent about giving back. This month, don’t love them less, just make sure you get as much as you give so we can all be left breathless, sweaty, satisfied… and just a little bit sore.