Aries (March 21 – April 19)
That other dark part of you that needs constant care and attention, constant coddling and adoration and comfort and admiration (you know what I’m talking about) parks it’s little butt right there on your bed. And do you know why? Because you’re so busy being noticed and loved by the “real” people in your life that you don’t feel like anything’s missing. You are an energetic and enthusiastic lover but can spoil the blissful aftermath by seeking confirmation that you are in fact “all that”. Now’s the time to let the self doubt go and just be yourself – everyone’s filthy fantasy lover. Those that have you in the flesh could not be happier. Accept the love that comes your way.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Where exactly would one find a rock and a hard place to get stuck between? Exactly. Ridiculous notion. I’d prefer to be tied up between the top and bottom railings of an old four-poster bed. Wouldn’t you? Trouble is, this month you don’t know whether to hold your breath and wait for the proverbial shoe to fall or run for the hills and away from the drama that knots your sheets, and delays your orgasms (um, not in the good way). Have faith dear Taurus as the only thing you need to lose in order to ease this blocked up feeling is the feeling of having no faith in yourself. Do you think you don’t look good? If they’re hard or wet, then you do. Is your wardrobe not quite cool enough? Hint: they want you naked cause it’s easier to fuck you not because your pants are a hot mess. May the only “but” (I’m not good enough) be some real “butt” and may “I suck” be a declaration of action instead of a statement of being. Seriously. Stop raining on your own parade.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Silly question: Are you focused on having some dirty fun right now? You certainly should be and the urge to do things differently is actually quite strong. But, and this is a biggie. If you are using this whole “I need to be free and be me” as an excuse to ignore or delay the inner work that needs to be done then this isn’t going to work for long. You have to deal with this shit eventually and it might as well be now and then you can go out and have yourself a good Gemini time without the worry. Lifestyle changes or the addition of activities to your existing making love repertoire are important decisions and ones you don’t make lightly. Your biggest concern (as usual) as you reveal more and more of yourself is whether someone can use this against you somehow. Denying your own sexual satisfaction and or enjoyment on any level will be a total fun downer.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Beauty thy name is Cancer. You desire it. You need it. It fulfills you. It eases your existence. You want to wrap yourself in soft sheets of silk. You want to adorn yourself with trinkets and chains of gold and silver; anoint yourself with creams and oils made from the finest ingredients; eat expensive foods and sip exotic drinks. You are complete. Uh, no actually you’re not. You’ve missed one very important part of all this and that one part is the act of giving and knowing that in the giving you will find your greatest reward. And screw good expensive shit ‘cause you could bring your hard working lover some White Castle burgers and a coke and rub some dollar store lotion all up in the crack of their A..S..S and you will t get some good loving. Give give give, till they just can’t take it anymore. Now everyone’s complete.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You are just a busy little beaver aren’t you? You want to be everywhere and do everything and every one you can. At the same time you have this itch that something’s missing and you’re looking for it at the wrong party. The question is whether you have to attend a button downed zipped up to the neck event to find someone who will be loyal and trustworthy when what you really want is stability with a subversive streak of ass-kicking steam between the sheets? Must you sacrifice one for the other? Good news for you is that they are not mutually exclusive. No sacrifice required. And the best part will be figuring out who the potential freak is and then slowly peeling them out of their own laced up skin. Have fun.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Time to take care of yourself for once. The doing, as you well know, is all in the details. You wish to make connections that serve you on all levels but in addition you want to do this in a very lick my boots kind of way, (ever the master or mistress) and this may not sit well with some of your lovers. If you want dominance then dominate but if you wish to be led then give them the leash (and power) and teach them how. There’s much available in print right now and the underlying suggestion is that these sorts of things just happen, that it’s easy to handcuff and whip another’s backside … but it isn’t quite so simple. As a caregiving sign you know that play of any kind must be approached on an emotional and spiritual level to truly be successful. If you want soothing settings then soothe the set and take charge to get what you want the way that you want it. I know you’ve got this. Go forth.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Is this an all about Libra month? Yes, my dirty Zodiacal Diplomat it sure is. Go ahead and plan your it’s all about me this month month. Why not? You’ve got thirty-one days to do what and who and however you want to do them so get going – travel, buy, indulge, or (this is crazy) do nothing at all, heck, go ahead and do yourself. Don’t you deserve it after spending the year appeasing placating and diplomatic-ating everyone else and their situations? You’re like a United Nations peace ambassador with sex on the side and that can be exhausting over the span of time. So, in this your birthday month, regroup, recoup, and rejuvenate and get ready to do it all again. You should be smiling reading this as it is a clear prediction of way too much fun and way too much sex for the average person. But you’re way past average aren’t you?
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
A big fear of yours and one you are loathe to admit is that you cannot in fact do everything all by yourself. WTF? Who let that cat out of the bag? It certainly wasn’t you because you’ve perfected the act of “loneness” to a freaking art form. Need someone? Not fucking likely. Well that shit’s about to change as it is beginning to dawn on you that you will go further if you accept that acting within a partnership will be beneficial. Think of it this way, no matter how skilled you are at loving yourself (and we know you are:) you have to admit that a skilled partner is way better. The questions this month are where do you want to go and whom do you want to go there with … or at least consider going there with. Choose wisely and the trip to next will serve you well.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
The deep conviction in your own abilities has been shaken and stirred of late and it’s really thrown you off your square. Normally effusively and annoyingly optimistic you may now be suffering from a little bit of self-doubt. Are you good in bed? Do you kiss right, suck right, blow right? Does your ass look fat, are your tits big enough, is your cock too small? Did it always curve that way? Do they really really like you, or are they just messing with you till something better comes along? Do any of those ring a bell? Let’s step out of the bed for a minute and think on a few things; if your faith and optimism has got you this far why is it quitting on you now? Exactly. Don’t put your own fire out – go out and do shit – just like you always have. That’s it, adjust your junk, and get going.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
This is the perfect opportunity time wise to increase or expand your success in life. Are you ready to take the next step? You want to experience people who are already doing what you want to do but you are so not inclined to go even halfway to where you want to go, (you know, like if you want to swing then go to a swinger’s event). Almost always you expect others to come more than half way to you. To really succeed you need to get past this. Listen to your gut instinct and heed any voices whispering in your ear when they’re telling you to take that extra step. Don’t be afraid of satisfying those needs you fight so hard to keep under wraps. PS: If the voice you hear directing you comes from whoever is all up in your business behind you and involves “bend over more” then you have my permission to ignore it till you’re in deep thought … not just in deep.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Your pants are full of ants – you’re like a cat on a hot tin roof – your imagination is fill to the brim with ideas and innovations: you are a virtual explosion of energy and fit to burst with insights and impulses. Your body wants to go one way, your soul another, your heart another again and if all this were actually manifested you’d be spinning on the spot. Can you imagine how hard it will be for lovers to keep up with you this month? Being with you is going to be mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. To save them, and yourself the frustration of holding them up and dragging them along for the ride, give attention to all areas (between their thighs, back of their neck, mouth, etc. etc.). They’ll be too content to complain and too tired to run away and you can just keep on doing your wild thing … result
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You are as open as you are closed Pisces, and I love you for it. Something kind of cool started last month and now after getting used to it you’re ready to take it further. Put your fears and apprehension and if I like this I must be that out of your mind and go forward into your own personal unknown. It is so much nicer to be able to say (or think to yourself) that you’ve tried something and you did (or didn’t) like it then to pretend you’ve been there. When you know yourself you increase your power in all things. When you know what you want you increase your power in all things. When you know yourself and know what you want you exude sexual power and lovers will be drawn to you like moths to a flame. Be you. We all love you for it.