Aries (March 21 – April 19)
What darkness lurks in the recesses of your deep and dusky soul? Only you know for sure and you’re not telling. Usually (although you sometimes pretend innocence) you know exactly where your urges come from but right now even you’re a little surprised by you. You may find yourself doing things, acting out, without the forethought of a plan of action or you may have an inkling of a plan that then veers drastically off course. Perhaps a romantic lovey dovey evening that evolves (not devolves, darlings) into a hard core sweat inducing exhaustive session that leaves every inch of you sore (and wanting more?). The key is acceptance of yourself and your own needs … mysterious as they may be.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Right now you’d kind of like to be left alone and wish the rest of the world would get lost. So what if you’re not all in with the holiday season? Why are other’s so offended when you just want to do your own thing your own way? Why is it that the only one you can count on is you? Why? Why? Why? As you question others you really are questioning yourself and the fact is that your insecurities are imagined and are in fact false. That’s right, I’m calling you out. You are full of …it. Loosen up, lube your heart, love all (okay most) that want to love you. If you really really don’t want anyone to stay then by all means answer the door in a Santa ass-less chaps outfit, as a whip-wielding elf, a whipped cream covered melting snowman. Many will split but there’s gonna be one that’s going to march right in and screw you to bits right there at the front door. If you even need a hint here it is this: the one that stays is the keeper.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Life is one big social extravaganza for you right now dear Gemini, fueled by your strong urge to forget the little things that chisel at your stone clad heart (and mind) and live for the moment at hand. I ask you this question though: Has this strategy ever really worked in the past? For the long term? What’s that you whisper? No? Exactly. Eventually you will have to face your fears and work through them just like the rest of us. Frustrating for us dealing with the both of you in general but more so when the both of you behave like four … or more. Very cool when you’re making love and pulling all sorts of personalities out of your ass and shoving them up ours but not cool on a day-to-day basis. Before the little things become big, you must face them and fix them. Expect that lovers love you enough to stick with you and all of the yous that make you you. I know, it’s complicated but so are you.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
In an effort to smooth over the waves you made in your personal life last month you will be tempted to spread yourself and your bank balance too thin. This is not the answer. Without being as hard headed and hearted as you have been of late you must find a way (without the burden of self-inflicted guilt) to accept you were a dink, admit you were a dink and move on from there. Sacrifice your body and soul only if it involves you naked on a table and adorned with sweet delicacies that can be spread on, licked off, and picked from your most tender spots. Note: Don’t do this with those still totally pissed with you, as the bad possibilities are endless.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Who’s not been paying attention to you? Unfortunately sweet Leo, the one ignoring you the most is you. Ever the spotlight whore, when it comes time to really look in the bathroom mirror you either fog things up or turn the fan on with the hopes the white noise will drown out the obvious. Trouble is that you short-change yourself when you do this. You want others to take note of your every wig and waggle, your every sigh and moan, your every everything but when you’re not okay inside then cracks start to show on the outside which dull your appeal and attraction. We, as the collective Leo, don’t want that do we? Polish the inside and shine on the outside.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
It’s time to get that pen and paper out and make a plan; lots of plans Virgo, lots and lots of plans. But the key is to follow thru with them, if you don’t then what you have are lists of things that might or might not get done. Don’t just make a list of things you’ll need to feed them with before you fuck them. Plan a menu, plan the scene, and plan the series of moves you’ll use to blow their little minds. Spontaneity is great, love it in fact, but it relies on a series of luck driven events that may or may not result in a hoped for ending. That’s not you. Better to have a plan to make the blowing begin than a list of things to do if the blowing begins.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Maybe it’s too late in the calendar year for you to remain diplomatic. Maybe it’s too early in your personal year for you to have honed your behavior to uplift and support those around you. Either way you really want to get your way out there and make it their way. You will tend now, to dominate the scene and without editing or filtering your thoughts just put out there whatever comes into your filthy mind. Now this can work for a minute or two, being all aggressive and forceful in bed but unless your partner(s) has indicated they want this, or are warming to the general scene you’re going to have to tone it down at some point or expect a sexual revolution of the unwanted kind. AKA be nice, it’s not like this strategy hasn’t worked for you in the past.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You are in a period of self-discovery and are trying to ignore the world as you work this process through to fruition. Unfortunately, your normal method of simple but utter withdrawal is not working as people seem to, without the lube of common courtesy, insist on pushing their way in. Frankly, it’s starting to piss you off. Wow, Merry Xmas. So what’s the issue here? Is it you or is it them? The real message may be that sometimes being in your space is very confining, for you, and all concerned. Is it time to let something go? Much like the ease of energy when the bonds of restriction have been loosened after rope play; letting go brings sweet and satisfying release. You should try it.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Nothing could be finer than a Sagittarian celebrating themselves in their own month. It’s all you baby. Is that a rosy glow all over the world? This year your search for renewal and purpose and meaning is rebuilt. Whatever directions you were heading will be tweaked a little bit and the result will be a more confident you. A more confident you is a more sexually adventurous you, a more sexually sure you … heck, it’ll be you getting a whole bunch more sex. You will seek new meaning in relationships, find the courage to end ones not working and seek others that will. You will accept those little quirks that make you hot and accept the quirks of lovers, new or otherwise. As they say, it’s all good. If it isn’t yet, be confident that it soon will be.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Your cutesy blend of faith and resolute drive make you unbeatable this month. On top of this you’re as giddy as a girl scout in a cookie factory. This combination (oddly) makes you very attractive to those around you. (I know, it’s weird.) Only wrinkle is that this goes against your normal way of holding back on things because right now you just want to put all your bits and pieces out there for general consumption. Supporting you though is an air of protection so if there is something you want from a lover (new position, new hierarchy of dominance/submission) or someone you want that you’ve never had before, now would be the time to go for it.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Are you lying blindfolded on a bed unsure where you’ll be entered next or hung artfully from a ceiling hook, splayed, vulnerable and anticipating the next stroke of your lover’s many-tailed whip? The suspense is killing me and it’s very close to making you burst at the seams. You hate to wait for anything but wait you must. All will be revealed, you cannot hasten it by stressing about it so just go on and distract yourself till it does. This nervous energy makes you kind of hot all over … you could, I suppose say horny but that’s so 80’s, isn’t it?
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
The stars smile upon you this month Pisces and your dreams may be ready to come true. It’s as if you and the airy dimension you live in are finally as one. Are naked sugar plum fairies dancing with leaping tumescent lords caning rosy assed milking maids lined up all in a row? I believe they are. Is it all a fantasy in the sky? Visions, this month Pisces, come easier than usual but the good news is that manifestation is just one short step away. What do you really really want? You Dirty thing. Be clear about what you ask for and expect that you will receive it.