Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Your normal get it done way of being is interrupted this month by a period of belly button lint picking and gazing (how else can you see inside yourself?). That you’re actually doing this takes you out of your comfort zone and makes you uneasy. Can you do anything to make the answers appear faster? Actually no, as any attempt to force a result will only delay the result – very much like an elusive orgasm. You know you’ve got one more in there…. But it just isn’t coming right now. Don’t force things; let them come to you in their own time.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Oh Taurus you fickle thing. Your lovers love you but more than one of them wish you’d just go ahead and pick just one of them. You know they know about each other, cause you quite often play them against each other. Entertainment for you perhaps but they don’t like it much. Now this isn’t for all time nor is it settling down time but to feed your deeper needs you may be better served narrowing the field and developing a deeper relationship… with someone. For those of you committed, pay better attention at home. Plot every little mole on their gorgeous body. I’m sure there’s some you’ve missed.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Do distant lover’s call? Does your dick get hard or your pussy wet just thinking about them? Do you have to hop a plane, train, or automobile to get to them and get some? Perfect. You can scratch two itches this month and mix a little travel up with your sex. When you’re antsy and unfocused (as you are right now) the best thing for you to do is to get away from that climbing the walls feeling before it takes firm hold and makes you do all manner of stupid shit. That pretty much covers you this month. Tense, aggressive, and liable to go off… and not in the good way. Self love will take the edge off but will not dull the fucking sword… and you may take that any one of the two ways that you could.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Holy Hannah! What is up with you? Your imagination is on fire this month and you, instead of trying to put it out, are with it, on it, and all over it. You might just jump into beds, situations, and relationships that you would have passed on before. Not because you didn’t want them previously but because your natural reserved behavior held you back. You seem to have conquered that divide at least for the time being. You’re a deep character though so do address your feelings at some point. In the exhausted quiet after blowing them and their mind would be a good time to acknowledge to yourself that you might come back or you might not but while you’re here… well it’s time to blow their mind again. You go on with your bad self.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Now that you’ve had your little moment to yourself it’s time for you to gracefully return to your adoring group of admirers and stake your claim as center of attention. Truth is you won’t even have to try. They missed you. They missed taking care of you. They missed being taken care of by you. Lovefest. You’ve gone long enough (this could be just hours) without having your ass powdered and creamed, your lips kissed, and your parts eaten as if heaven’s last meal lay at the juncture of your thighs… Seriously, it’s been a ridiculous time span. Welcome the attention of all that already belong with you and bring in a plus one more if they look like they’re hungry.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, you do over load yourself with new projects and goals don’t you? Have you found someone new who needs looking after? You also like to move from relationship to relationship and most, if not all, would all take you back in the blink of an eye. This is due to your ability to let lovers you’re letting go of down gently; sometimes they’re not even sure they’ve been replaced you loved them out the door so nicely. New possibilities that appear this month might be hotter than ever but if you become resentful of present ties it might affect your behavior towards both and you may end up with neither. Choose your strategy carefully.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Good thing you’re the Zodiac’s diplomat because this is a month of opposite ends of the scale for you: Fun versus work, letting go versus holding on, driving the car versus jumping in the back seat, acting on the right here right now versus thinking about what will happen if you do. Even for you it will be hard to know just what the right thing to do is. But even as things come at you fast and furious the only thing you really need to do is trust yourself to know what that right thing is going to be. Go ahead. Try it all. Note: If you’re thinking of bringing home a third wheel, I’d suggest calling that one in ahead of time. I’m just saying.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You are wracked with the desire to change things because something deep inside you whispers that you should. This unnerves you a little as your normal stubborn way of being resists most everything even if it is good for you. This is more than changing up your methodology in bed (yes you do have a freaking method to bring them to their sexual knees) or to change a partner here and there: it’s a feeling that something within the relationship as a whole needs to shift. Good news is that the funk you’ve been in begins to lift as figuring out whatever this thing is fills it’s place and you return to your usual level of intensity. Dig the lube out from where you stashed it some weeks ago; it’s going to be a bumpy ride for someone.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
This month you should really pay careful attention to how you relate to and communicate with friends and lovers. With Mercury Retrograde in Pisces (from February 23 to March 17) you may also find your view of reality a little foggy. Please don’t talk about past relationships with your current partners, as what you say may be misunderstood to mean that those were happier times. Which they will be of course if you find yourself minus one ‘cause you didn’t think before you spoke. Best advice is always to put the end of your tongue somewhere on them if you can’t trust the words that sit on the end waiting to be spoken. Consider your words very carefully.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
A pressing problem for you right now is how to figure out the resources that are available to you. How can you use them to your best advantage? Take note: this is not about the money, money, money. It’s all the other things that matter more: energy, emotions, and spirituality. Does that sound out of place in this particular type of astrology writing? Look deeper and you’ll find that it isn’t out of place at all. Holding back creates blockages and when you let go of your fears great things will occur. You know some people don’t want to be watched when they’re coming – they think it’s an ugly face – but it’s really the face of release. Release your fears, as their only purpose is to hold you back.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
It’s your turn to take your annual moment in the sun. Have you been waiting all year for this? I think you have. You know, you’re very accommodating of others and lovers; their dreams, wants, desires, and fantasies. You take pride in making it all come out the way they want because if they’re happy then you’re happy. This is all well and good but you know sometimes you gotta just get some of what you want. Him, her, them – or whoever. Hard, fast, slow, over the table, hung from a hook in the ceiling, bound, gagged, oiled, lubed, taken, pleasured, spanked, whatever. Oh no they didn’t! Oh yes they did. This month do what you want how you want to do it
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Dreams visit you in February, and they are ones that you will be all too eager to bring to life. They will be ones that wake you with almost orgasms, in a sweat, and wondering if you were making those noises out loud. Our subconscious speaks to us in the quiet still of night, of things desired, and of situations not yet realized. If you really want something, then the trick is to not chase all your dark imaginings at the same time but to choose one to manifest and let that one feed future possibilities. It is exactly that easy to do.