Aries (March 21 – April 19)
It’s your birthday and you are ramped and amped up to the point that even you can’t control your own enthusiasm. You are “on” for lack of a better description: Hard, wet, wanting & willing. The world and every dark, damp and sexy crevasse within are yours to have and hold. Your choice is whether to go forth and conquer all or to concentrate your efforts on a chosen one (or two if you must) and really deliver the goods. Your real choice is to exhaust yourself spreading it around or to work a lover to the point of satisfied exhaustion in your arms. Win-Win for all concerned either way. I only wish I could be there.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Finally, all has settled back down … or has it? Even though tensions that dogged you last month have eased, you can’t let go of the feeling that a challenge of some sort is lurking under the bed or in the closet or behind the draperies just waiting to fuck with you when you’re not paying attention. You need to let this go as others may interpret edginess on your part as something they’ve done to upset you. Try this: go down and clap their legs tight around your head covering your ears, close your eyes and busy your mouth. Effectively unable to hear, see, or cry for help when said unknown fuckery emerges from its hidey-hole, whatever happens next is out of your control. Exactly. Let it go and live life as it comes.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Like the dick that won’t get hard no matter what you ply it with, your normal optimism escapes you this month as you begin to realize that things aren’t quite going to plan and in fact what’s developed instead is not going to be all that easy to deal with. If you think about it you’ll realize that the road is not always smooth but that you do negotiate potholes with calm cool ease. Only difference this month is that obstacles and distractions are bigger but your strategy to handle them should remain the same: get hold of your lover, retreat to your big comfy bed, and indulge each other. You could add release inhibitions and relinquish the route to satisfaction but that would involve giving up some control wouldn’t it? Could this be at the root of your problems … at least some of the time? Things that make you go… hmm.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
This month you should take a page from Gemini’s “make a plan” way of doing things. On a positive note, April will be full of action, but negatively, also one of reaction. You may find yourself starting out with a clear direction but turned from your chosen course by distraction. Like when you’re just stepping out to get something from the corner store and you cross paths with someone and you end up there, and over there, and oh yes, over there too and then drag your sorry ass home at 3am with the distinct odor of freshly used something emanating from every inch of you. That’s a negative. Do what you say you’re going to do. That’s a positive. Try to stay positive, Cancer, it might not be as much fun but it’s so much easier to explain.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Seasonal changes energize you Leo and as a result the intensity with which you live your life increases. You cram your schedule with more places to go and things to do than it is possible to really commit to. As making an entrance is high on your list of needs you should remember that you have to arrive somewhere to actually make one. As April progresses your energy level has no way to go but down but this is only a problem if you try to force it otherwise. You’ll know when you get to the point when you’re not at your best and that’s when you should take a break. Is it not better to return (grand entrance) at your sexiest best than to merely show up?
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Ever wake up in a frenzy in the middle of the night all twisted up in your jammies? Sheets knotted and pillows down when they should be up? You forget for a minute that what led you to this confounding disarray was a wild sexy session that you would love to repeat … many times. The point is that the good big picture (what brought you to this point) can sometimes get lost in the little picture (wet spots and balled up blankets). Look to the big picture this month and the truths you seek will be revealed and your efforts rewarded. Also, there are enough critics out there already and they don’t need any help bashing you, so do try to keep your self-bitching to a minimum as well.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Oh Libra, you still (left over from last month) make us all wonder where our nice, fair, middle of the road guru has gone. You’re not interested in anyone else’s point of view or opinion or excuses right now. We’re confused and you don’t give a shit that we are. Ouch. You’re in a rare all or nothing kind of a mood and your sense of humor seems to have gone on a walkabout as well. Double ouch. A word of caution though as you may kick people out of bed (or the house, or the car) that really don’t deserve to go. Go easy on us this month because we really just want to love you (up, down, and all around) and if you think about it you have to admit it’s what you want too. We are ready and await some sort of signal that allows re-entry to the sanctuary within you. We will beg if needed. … We need you that much.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Even though you do have a rep for not being overly interested in anyone else’s reality (it’s not personal) over the next few weeks you seem more self-involved than normal. Trouble comes with your inability to communicate to others what’s bugging you. This, Scorpio, is because you’re not quite sure what the issue is yourself. (Or you do and it scares the crap out of you.) Here is my best suggestion: Ride this period of uncertainty out as you ride your lovers. With both hands held tight to ass, chest bared, thighs firmly clenched, and eye to equal finish. All thoughts of confusion banished, in place, gratitude. That should keep the unruly mob of admirers happy and quietly waiting their turn beneath you.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Life might be feeling a little bit empty right now and this puzzles you. You’ve been concentrating lately more on spreading yourself around and having fun where and how and with whom you want to have fun with. End of. So if you’ve fulfilled your fantasies as to the varieties of all things available then why do you yourself not feel that same sense of fulfillment? Perhaps the Universe gave you what you thought you needed so you could also see what you don’t need? It is time to seek deeper meaning in your relationships and should you do this you will find that many times there is freedom within the ties that bind.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
The Spring Equinox in March brought you much optimism and energy. You should still be able to tap into this to help you in the battle you now find yourself in between how you feel and what is practical in your world. There is exciting sexual tension in the friction between both but some things must remain as unfulfilled fantasy. To honor both sides might be a war of wills (between what you should or should not do) that taxes you to the point of desperate exhaustion. But if you succeed, then opportunity will arrive right there at the end of your bed dressed in nothing but skin and the sheen of expectation. This month, use caution, use thought, use care … and above all else, employ good timing.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
You are wired and restless and can’t seem to settle into anything – even the usual pleasure in the curve of their back and the depth of their fingers eludes you. This disturbs you. If boredom and despair join forces in your mind you must do your best to ignore them and find a way past any thoughts of self-doubt and worry. Make a plan to move forward and think of the future in the biggest way imaginable. Dream good things for yourself and you will find inspiration returns, first in the return to action in all things and then in the rediscovery of desire and want. Oh, it’s well worth the time spent thinking about it so think on.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
This month sticking close to home spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally brings greater reward than shopping your ass all over town. Looking up every skirt and down every trouser leg won’t make you happy and if you’d just for once trust your own intuition you would find out two things: One, you already knew this, and Two, you already knew this. Others look to you because you have the uncanny ability to read them and see what they need as opposed to what they think they want. They come back (or won’t go away) because you do this. I suppose if you have them over to yours instead of you to theirs it would take care of that whole stick close to home thing. Interpreting situations to suit you is another ability much envied by others. Work it.