Aries (March 21 – April 19)
An endless choice of partners and the then subsequent endless combo of actual partnering possibilities only unsettles your already unsettled self. Isn’t this what caused your quest for the ultimate experience in the first place my little hamster on a wheel going nowhere fast? It is, you know it, and it’s not working. The reason is that movement without purpose might lead to a lot of fucking … but ultimately it leads to fuck all. Look a little deeper than their physical attributes and see if you can find their soul or a least a reason to come back and look again.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
All pooped out after your birthday month? That’s too bad because now is not the time to relax down into the comfort of soft skin, the scent of sex soaked sheets, or the satisfaction of knowing (thinking) you’re all that. Which I’m sure you are and it’s all good but let’s not stagnate ourselves here. You can get tired of “life” just as easily as you can tire of the same back facing bent over position every freaking time. It’s good while you’re doing it but you’d really like to change things up next time. Be your own change.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You work hard to match the sunshiney outer world around you but inner storms threaten as your mind races at warp speed trying to process WTF has been going on lately. But can it be analyzed and reasoned out the way you like things to be reasoned out? Hmm. Time will tell and the only sure thing is that you don’t feel like talking about your shit right now. Hopefully others will be generous enough to give you the emotional and spiritual space you need without physically separating themselves from you. That bed’s big when it’s empty isn’t it? Do your inner work but be aware of how you’re interacting with those who want to interact with you.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Taking a personal holiday from your emotions before the actual summer holiday season begins actually kind of worked didn’t it? It’s like you’re yourself again and you feel all new and sparkly and you’re getting ready to take your sexy self out and strut your bathing suit wearing butt all up and down the promenade. Good for you. Throw in a little optimism and you might just start to like this way of being. It’s often said that one of the sexiest things is self-confidence. If you look like you know how to fuck then you simply by the law of attraction will attract those that want to fuck you. So awesomely easy when you think about it: screw the shell and screw on.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You are out there and living hot and hard this month. You will be so busy that others will struggle to get your attention and probably take it equally hard that you’re not getting back with them anytime soon. Just send out an e-blast or a tweet or however you connect with your minions these days letting them know they’d best make an appointment if they want to see you at all. For your own benefit, you should actually make those entries in your date book so you know who you’re doing and when you’ve decided to do them. It might look all cutesy and romantic in the movies when more than one lover arrives at your door at the same time or one shows up and comes to find out that the loving’s begun with another…. But it’s not. You can fit them all in with a little love, a little lube, and a whole bunch of planning. You’ve been warned.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
This is a month for revisiting and reconnecting with things from the past. And this is not to torture yourself with things that didn’t work out the way you wished they had, but simply to gain a new perspective. It’s like when you change positions mid session – it could improve depth of thrust, or make you realize that your knees up around your ears might make it difficult to catch a breathe but you can reach everywhere that needs to be reached to make you come. Same thing, so do try to spend some time in quiet reflection of times past. There might be someone back there that’s very much worth a do-over, or a re-do, or something like that.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You are supersensitive this month convinced that they’re all talking about you and everything said is a criticism of you, of your ass, your clothes, your choices… etc. etc. Listening to them (or more accurately what you imagine they’re saying) leaves you defensive and this confuses lovers even more. Get a grip already. First off, this isn’t even close to accurate. Second, this isn’t even close to accurate. Put your imagination to use in more productive ways and bring fantasies you’ve considered too out-there to life. If you’re still convinced they’re doing you the dirty then engage them in some S&M a la some shades of something (cause it’s the new trend) and make it hurt. Maybe then you’ll feel better about things in general. Relax.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Your feelings are deeply stirred in the coming weeks reminding you that you are an emotionally driven being. Don’t even try denying it. Just fucking roll with it already because if you’re trying to make out like you don’t know this, then know this: The rest of us see you and admittedly are afraid of you because we’re never sure whether you’re going to make love to us or tear our heart out and serve it to us with a nice chianti and some gross soggy beans but we still line up to take that chance. We would drown in your emotionality given the opportunity. We acknowledge it and you should too. It’s freeing. Just remember when you scare us we tense up and you’re going to need just a tad more lube. Adjust the application of same and adjust your scary attitude as required.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
A major shift knocks on your door just as you thought everything was just freaking awesomely in place exactly where it needed to be and exactly how you like it. This “happening” takes you by the throat and drags you kicking and screaming right to your least favorite place, that being the realm of emotions and feelings. Here’s the rub: if you successfully resist the temptation to get the fuck out of dodge then good things will replace that feeling of unease. Remember that destiny and adventure rarely arrive with a placard that says “this is going to be fabulous if you’ll just give it a try”, what it does is frighten the living shit out of you cause you’re even thinking about doing it… or them. Not your type right? Yeah, you go on thinking that.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Good grief it’s going to be one of those stretches of time when everyone who crosses your path seems to carry some sort of mirror that reflects you back to you and illuminates your very soul. This is exhausting and distracting and disturbing because when you’re just looking for someone to get busy with, you don’t really need or want them trying to get busy with your inner psyche. Seriously, could they just not coordinate orgasms and get the F out? Apparently not this time so pay attention and learn what you can from what others have to offer you about you. Resistance is futile.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Sex and making love, and screwing and self-gratification all work fabulously as stress relief, but will it be enough this month? Yes & no. Yes because it’s a great way to spend time not thinking about shit you should be thinking about, and no because when you’re done, you’re thinking again. The way to make it thru the next 30 or so days is to clarify your priorities and goals, and establish a “do this first, then that” list and work your way thru it. Not a lot of fun to do but when you’re done you can spend all the time that’s left having fun AKA fucking.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Here you go dancing around in you imagination minding your own beeswax when someone flips the switch to a full on spotlight. Crap. Caught again inspecting your own belly button lint. What’s in there? Dreams, fantasies, and imaginations that make your dick hard or your pussy wet, that’s what’s in there. Now what? What you should really do is say “hey” then bring those dreams out and make them real. Anyone who says you can’t have something or someone or that they are beyond and above anything you should strive for should be gotten rid of. Then you, dear Pisces, should go get what’s yours because in the grand universal plan, it already is.