Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You are so amped and ramped that you can barely stand still. What’s going on in that head of yours? You want to split the scene before the wet spot even hits the sheets but you and I both know that hightailing it out of there is not the answer. Even if you can escape them, you cannot escape yourself and you and I both know, that the key to the peace (not piece, that’s just another mouthful of ass) you seek is within you. Get in touch with yourself, and your needs, and the day-to-day fuss will disappear.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Life feels like one quake after another and to say that you’re wobbling about like a drunken cyclist is an understatement. (No easy feat, um…not that I’ve done it.) Here’s the thing: this month is a test of your perseverance and your adaptability. Will you stay or will you go? Will you bend over and take it … or won’t you? It’s all connected and each action causes a reaction. If you attend an event with one person and they leave you have a choice to go or stay. If you go, you bed them, but if you stay, who knows? Expect the unexpected, expect changes in circumstance and best of all, expect that options will appear right in front of you and take you by sheer sexy surprise.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
There’s work enough for you both this month as you’re taken with an infusion of intense internal energy. You’re full of energy and knowledge that you want to share with anyone you can lure into your steamy web of love. There are times though that being with someone who knows (or appears to know) everything about making out is more off-putting than inviting. They wonder how many people you’ve slept with to gain all this experience, or, think they can’t live up to your dirty expectations. Try this for the next few weeks: play your skills with a light touch and gentle force. You’ll get much better results.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
As per usual Cancer, your calm exterior hides internal angst and anxiety. This is a good trait to have in an emergency when someone needs to take control and freak out later but day-to-day it can be draining and exhausting. What to do, what to do? You could spend your days fighting the world or tell anyone who’s bugging you to back the fuck off. Seriously. You’re good. Even if you feel like crystal on the verge of shattering, you won’t. If however, you find yourself teetering on the edge of one of those powerful come experiences that promises a release that fragments your very soul then go with it. Fall to pieces, catch your breath, and then carry on.
Because you’ve kind of got it going on right now you will continue to be a role model of sorts to the emotionally battered and confused that step within your spotlight. (No, you’re not sharing the light; they’ve just stumbled into yours.) Be kind as they fall at your feet in abject adoration, they don’t all know what you’re capable of but if you find one or two that do know you, understand that they’re there to willingly be on the pointy end of your at times, very selfish love. This month work the erotic evil like only do.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You’re pretty sure that your immediate world is losing its mind this month, but the question for you is how can you make this work for you. Simple really. While others run amok trying to make sense of it all, all you have to do is sit tight in a quiet place (like your bed) and wait for the mad mad world to come to you. You’ll be ready to either powder their butts and tuck them in, or if required, lead them into their dark place and punish their ass till they forget their petty problems. Whatever action falls between the two extremes will be, as usual, at your control. When “things” feel out of kilter for the rest, they need you to put things in place. This month expect to be busy in this regard.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Even though your sign is a scale indicating balance in all things, the truth, as far as trust is concerned is that many times you believe that others know what’s best for you. Often you seek another opinion to stack it up against what you think/hope might be good for you ignoring that “don’t go there” flutter in your belly. It’s not last night’s Moo Goo Gai Pan threatening a speedy exit; it’s your inner voice trying to get your attention. It doesn’t matter how good they look there’s always someone somewhere that’s tired of their shit. Remember, if it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck then it’s a duck… or someone you shouldn’t fuck. Interpret it any way you want, because you’ll be the one who was right all along.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
This is an introspective month for many signs – you included. Ever aware of the subconscious flotsam and jetsam of those near and dear to you… you also pick up the dreck from the rest. Your internal “you can all just fuck right off” switch is one you can normally reverse at will. This month not so much. The question is: Is the noise bubbling up from inside you? Sometimes, when you’re not sure whom to know and blow, you behave like a bee in a fragrant garden of earthly delights sampling the most available and attractive pollen laden petals and stamens till you find the right one for right now. And truthfully, there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ll stop when you find what you’re looking for. Introspect on that.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
It’s a whack month Sagittarius. More so for you because you can cope with your own unpredictability but when it jumps up on you it’s more than unsettling. You’re game for most anything and in fact enjoy exploring new ways (to you) to get busy. What you’re not game for is a sudden switch up of the actual “how” things are going to go down. If you expect a slow sexy session right up until they jump out of the closet gimped up, strapped on, and greased till next Tuesday you’re more likely to change locations (as in get in the car and go) than you are to flip over and get ready to be ridden. You like change, but only when you expect change to arrive. It’s that simple until it’s not.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You may feel these days that inroads you’ve made in a certain relationship are being rejected. Perhaps someone else has stolen away the attention of your beloved and you’re back to wishful wistful thinking or if you made it into their bed, the flames of desire are dying out. First decision to make is to decide exactly where you want to be. No waffling on this one please, it’s not helpful. If you want to move on then get out right now. If you want to stay then get your finger out of your ass and fix what’s broken because it will not fix itself. You know what to do, now go do it.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Good grief Aquarius, lighten up already. Sometimes we don’t want your global view on every freaking thing. Sometimes we just want to bask in your comforting aura. Don’t talk so much. Just be there for us. There is nothing more soothing to our racing heart than that moment of connected silence as we catch our breath after being made love to by you. We love it. We love you. Take this and expand it outside the passionate arena we so intimately share. This might be a bit blasphemous but think of yourself like the mountain top statue in Rio, hands out, offering sweet solace in your welcoming arms. Seriously, how could anyone resist.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You more than most are comfortable with the general ebb and flow of life and it’s accompanying problems believing as you do that people find their own comfort zones. This month however may test even your faith in the goodness of others as trust and respect questions may confront you. “Circa” followed by a date is about the only thing written in stone that you can truly believe the rest… well, shit happens. Don’t read this as an omen of dreadful days coming to you because maybe that certain someone you’ve been lusting after from afar will leave their lover. Always look at the bright side of life … in reality, now they can be yours.