The Big Boys & Girls guide to how things work between the Signs of the Zodiac. Discover the ins and outs of each Sign, what makes them tick; what turns them on, what turns them off and what happens when they get together with everyone else and you get together with them …Don’t you want to know?
Each Sign has its own section and matchup with every other sign. Lily Lick writes with humor and insight offering you information about yourself and your partner(s) that will fuel your imagination and make you realize the limitless possibilities for dirty fun that are right in front of you, next to you, and across from you on the Zodiac Wheel. Everyone wants to be the best and a very big part of being the best is knowing just what to do to, or with your lover. But is that enough? Lily Lick’s Love Signs tells you why they like it. Chances are they don’t even know themselves why certain things just rock their little socks but there’s no reason why you shouldn’t gently wield that power. …Don’t you want to know?
OYSTERS & CHOCOLATE
It’s always fun to hear what the stars have in store for you, whether or not you believe that your fate is tied to the actions of the heavens. And when your fate is described in scintillating details, down to what gets put in what orifice, and who might be best at it, I don’t doubt that each and every one of us is suddenly all ears (or all erect and swollen body parts of a more sensual nature).
Lily Licks has given us a decidedly sexy game plan for those of us who aren’t decided on just one partner, or a fun late-night story-time read for those of us with steady partners. The book lead to a “Hey, sweetie, so is this why you aren’t in to ass-play?” conversation with my own lover, and then headed swiftly south…er, one of us did, as the other tried to read the warnings further down the page. If he hadn’t been so…tied up…he might have paid closer attention to Miss Lily’s sage advice and remembered about that “undeniable need for control” little Scorpio-me likes to exercise. And he might have seen the whips and chains coming! Mmm…this little passage seemed to strike close to home as well:
There is no such thing as “I don’t feel like it.” There are only variations of “I don’t feel like getting on top, I want it sideways,” or “I don’t feel like hitting it over the chair, I want you on the floor,” and, on occasion, the “I don’t feel like it right now, with you.”
Not sure why your Aries is always bossing you around in bed? Curious about what may be hiding behind Virgo’s charming and virginal (ha!) smile? Wish you knew what had gone wrong with that mysterious Aquarius lover? Lily Lick’s Love Signs provides satisfaction for the curiosity in all of us. You might stir up some interesting mental stimulation by recalling your past encounters, or you might discover the reason a particular coupling fell flat. All of the possible pairs for each sign are discussed in loving and lustful detail, with no holds barred when it comes to couples with the wrong celestial chemistry. See what happens when poor earthy Taurus falls in with volatile-as-the-wind Aquarius:
The major problem is the penchant of Aquarius for playing games with our darling Bull’s heart and psyche and play with it they will; partly because they can and partly because they can’t help themselves. They’ll work Taurus into a lather of lust and desire then set off for an evening out with their girlfriends or head off with the boys for beer and football and this is so not good. Taurus might take this once, maybe even twice, and they might even go ahead and do you when you get home but if you’re going to chance this I hope you keep a secret bag packed and stashed somewhere to grab when they toss your butt out into the street…because they will and you’ll deserve it. Honestly, do you take candy from little kids in your spare time?
Ouch! Painful, yes, but at least you can be prepared and have some idea what you can expect from that new lover as soon as you know his or her birthday. And since it takes a million unique and special snowflakes, each sign’s chapter talks about male and female versions of the sign, but doesn’t specify gender in the sections describing the pairings, making this hot read straight, gay, or any-gender friendly.
While the sections that don’t describe your sign specifically might not pique your interest quite as much as the chapter that’s completely about you and your lovin’ (and we all like to hear more about us, don’t we, Leo?), Lily’s descriptions and naughty language make the other chapters just as fun to read. I enjoyed imagining all the wickedly spankalicious romps the other signs were up to, and felt as if I was peeking in the bedroom windows of strangers and friends alike. Nothing like a little voyeurism to stoke the fires of lust!
Lily Lick has a website (www.lilylick.com) where she posts monthly horoscopes with a sexual twist, so once you have the basics down after reading this book, you can continue to reap the rewards of delving into the star-crossed depths of yourself and your significant other(s). Lily loves to combine her passions for astrology, writing, and sex, and brings her wisdom to you from Toronto, Canada.
We all love Lily Lick here, and we’re not ashamed to say it. She managed somehow to get our sweaty, focused attention back to a part of pop culture that we’d been paging quickly past looking for porn.
If you’re old enough to remember newspapers and magazines printed on paper (and Lily isn’t saying, but perhaps she is), you remember the astrology column. Deadly dull ersatz relationship bromides, written in a code not worth cracking, and sandwiched in somewhere between advice for the lovelorn and the comics. Generally it had all the charm of a fortune cookie, except without the brevity, the wit, or the sweetened cardboard-like shell to munch on. Bad girls didn’t dream it, and bad boys little reptile-brain-directed fingers kept paging for the underwear models. As far as we know, the closest it ever got to sexy was as “what’s your sign” cocktail party chatter, and we’re not totally sure those folks could read, anyway.
Then Lily Lick’s Love Signs changed all that. Bumping, grinding, 24/7 sex-obsessed characters humping all over the night sky, and all we needed was our birth date to get a ticket to the show. This beat making out in the dark at the planetarium by a long ways — not that we’re asking you to give that up or anything.
Now Lily has given us an e-book (well, practically given: at $2.99 a copy you and your soon-to-be-between-the-sheets partner couldn’t even to-go three items from the value menu for your twisted creative pleasure, and you know it). Mind you, it’s not a bunch of Lily’s column reprints — not that we’d mind that either. These are twelve fully-formed, securely-horny-with-exquisite-rough-edges characters and Lily’s best guesses on how they’ll interact, lube, claw, and restrain each other.
Confident and formidable as the descriptions are unto themselves, the interactions between the signs are decidedly the best; always rough and tumble, and without resort to fairy-tale endings. Take Aries-Libra, for example:
Both like the finer things in life — why do the wild thing on the floor when there’s this big satin-sheeted comfy bed? Why slip and slide on the tiles in a steamy shower when you can languish together in a yummy bubble bath; each will make the effort to please the other even if it takes all night, in fact why not take all night and do it right all three times –no make that four. Does that sticky morning wakeup call count for today or is it included in last night’s count? Aries natives require constant adoration so while working the room, Libra will have to remember to come back to them and privately work a finger in somewhere wet, squeeze a cock, or discretely pinch a nipple or both, thus letting ever watchful Aries Babies (and I mean that quite literally) know they haven’t been forgotten.
And the story continues through a twelve by twelve matrix of slippery, crying out, whimpering, strutting characters, between and above the sheets, in the kitchen, and in the park fountain. As Lily puts it best, “…don’t you want to know?”